UnSensored Sensory Disorder

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Our little Mr. has sensory disorder.  There I put it out there.  Why?  Because when my little miracle, wonder boy, is screaming in the store and throwing the ice cream container on the floor you’ll give me a sympathetic smile and say “you go girl.”  And you’ll realize this is only a second of him, a snip, he’s pretty great, just give him a minute and you’ll see.

Several months ago I just didn’t get it.  Why did my precious, scream, cry and hit me when the doorbell rang and the dog barked.  Or how leaving him in nursery would insight a catastrophic break down that would end with me staying or him crying himself to sleep.  How a tantrum over a simple break of an object could elicit a breakdown that requires a quarantine to his crib for 30+ minutes.  We were baffled.  I expressed my concern to a friend at the park and she, gratefully, empathized with me, having a sensory kid herself, and recommended I have him seen.  I worried, had I done this?  Had timeouts made him more tenacious than other kids?  As first time parents we were baffled that the regular old parenting techniques didn’t work for him, in fact they sent him into a tail spin.  I soon came to find out that this was him regardless of us.  A mix of his own20160519_180858 special temperament sent from above, some prematurity factors (most premies have some sort of varying degree of sensory disorder, duh that totally makes sense now), and a strong willed nature.   This is our boy.  So much like myself without my even realizing it.  As his Occupational Therapy (OT) began we clamored for anything to help him work through the barrage of information shooting at him.  Any way to help him cope with it before it sends him skidding to uncontrolled rage.  He’s sensitive, he’s incredibly observant, he’s spiritual.  Now I know how can a 2 year old be spiritual, but he is.  He’s keenly aware to the feeling and spirit floating around a room and will react in the like.   It’s amazing to watch.  I was daunted by all the information at first, but gratefully reminded by our OT that this is a marathon not a sprint.  So take it bit by bit.  He will be learning how to cope with this for years, or a lifetime to come.  And if we can help give him the right tools he will eventually be able to do it himself.  I so want that.  It is hard in the trenches day after day, and yes I’m human I get frustrated at times.  It’s a lot of mental analysis having to retrace the signals of what may have set him off.  What stimuli he was reacting to.  What his signs of overstimulation are. And finally how I teach him to cope with them before or after they happen.  Each day is a lesson in patience, compassion, self control and the most amazing love.  To show you just how astute this sweet boy is he will have an episode, a breakdown an atomic explosion that will send me reeling.  And given some quiet time, he will eventually lay his head on my shoulder and say; “I sorry.”  “Oh I luv u.”  All his little neurons are finally calm, and he relaxes his body onto mine.  I envelop him in a gently firm hug, no rocking or rubbing (that’s too much stimulation), just stillness and we find peace again.  He knows he went off the rails, he knows he shouldn’t, but the gravity of all his senses taking it all in at once; the sound, the feelings/emotions, the sight, the touch, the smell.  It overwhelms him and he reacts.  He feels it all and he feels it deeply, deeper than we understand.  He’s amazing.

He’s doing better.  Somedays are great and other days we are the shrieking family in the grocery aisle as he tries to comprehend the transitions he had to go through just to get in the door, and now we are filling the cart item after item, the temperature changes from warm to the cold dairy section, the baby on the aisle over crying.  He’s feeling it all and expressing it . . . . loudly.  But were working at it, we’re a team.  It’s not a 30 day quick fix.  It’s a catalyst.  One driving me to push myself to be a better me.  To work on things that if he didn’t have this character trait might go unnoticed, or brush it off.  From the minute he was born he has made me better, made me take stock of the person I am and make changes to draw closer to the person my Savior wants me to be.  I look at this, curious, tenacious, determined, loving, spiritual little boy and think “Wow, you are miraculous!”  He is!

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My Last Grandma

WP_20140628_13_46_05_ProThis July my Grandmother passed away.  She had lived a long life living practically until she turn 90.  She was the matriarch of our family; a talented healer, incredibly strong willed, and an amazing craftsmen of handwork.  I was grateful she shared her love of embroidery with me, among other talents, I was able to learn from the best.   It is the closing of another chapter for me but I am thankful that the month before she passed I got to have some quite moments with her and My son.  It was special and some happy tears were shed and kisses given to our sweet little boy, one of her newest great-grand children.  We shot a photo of the 4 generations, My Father, Myself, My Son and My Grandmother.  A lovely memory.  Our last day together was a beautiful summer afternoon, as she lovingly held little Mr for the last time.  I say a temporary farewell to her and thank her for the wonderful memories we have shared for the past 30 years.  

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Coasting Through

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This weekend went by in a blur!  And without detailing out every second of our truly incredible weekend I will say how grateful I am.  In this season ofIMG_3063_Fotor_Collage2 thanks I had so many moments that made me truly reflect on my blessings.  Between safety in travels, meeting inspiring people, reconnecting with family, experiencing the amazing unending love of sweet children, and so much more I can hardly believe that all this happened in one weekend.  It all seems to indescribable.
We ended it with a quick trip to the coast.  The feelings I experienced here returned!  Compiled by the fact that we had our family/dear friends came with us.  We really IMG_3063_Fotor_Collagemarveled at the amazing site.  The fog that draped everything diffused the light so perfectly that we could stand and watch the last minutes of the suns light disappear behind the clouded horizon.  The kids laughed and ran, dug and well. . . . . . got totally covered in sand, as all kids should when they go to the beach.  It was the perfect way to end our weekend, to see the miraculous wonders our Heavenly Father created.  I was left feeling renewed and with confidence that if he could create all this, then I know he has a plan for me.  A Wonderful weekend to say the least!!

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Temple Run

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fotor_WP_20130518_001_jpgNo I’m not talking about that video game that everyone has the app for.  We had an actual run to our local temple.  It’s amazing to me that I live closer to a temple here in Washington then I did in Utah.  Our Relief society planned a fun and inspirational activity for us.  We met at a ward members house and then run,  walk or drive to the temple.  Be taught about the Temples meaning and return for a lite breakfast!  I was lucky to get to run with Kaylene and talk as we made our way.  I have been trying to learn to like running, and though I can admit its not my favorite thing yet, I have been able to feel inspired while doing it.  When I run I typically listen to conference talks.  On a recent run I was listening to a talk by Elder Eyring   His words touched mefotor_WP_20130518_008_jpg more on my run then when I heard them in conference.  I think the fact that my body was tired and focused helped me to be humble myself to his words.  This physical activity drew my spirit upward and opened my mind and spirit to be receptive.  So though I haven’t learn to love it yet, I have learned that there is inspiration and meditation that can come during a good run.  

fotor__jpgNow back to our Temple run.  We made our way up the Temple Hill side and found our way to the sign.  Once there we were greeted with water and cheers.  Once everyone made it we began our brief lesson on the symbolism of the exterior of the Temple.  It was so interesting to see the amount of thought that is put in not only the beautiful interiors of the building, but the exteriors as well.  The detailing on the fence has meaning, the fountain has meaning, the landscaping overall layout has meaning.  I was really touch how every location we visited really made you reflect on the Saviors example and his desire to come until him.  I learned so much and my appreciation and testimony of this holy place increased.  I left the activity with resolve to try to make the Temple a more regular part of my life.  It was a wonderful experience!

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Easter Remembrances

IMG_8056Easter this year really snuck up on me, honestly I think I was more focused on the fact that my birthday, this past weekend, signified the last year of my 20’s.   Yes that is crazy to me.  So there were no real eggs preps that you have maybe seen in previous years.  I was actually partying it up the past week, which I will be most happy to recap for you! 

But back to Easter.  I had to show some phot’s of my and My Mr. all dolled, and dashed up in our Easter Sunday outfits.  I kinda felt like an Easter egg, with all my colors, but in a good way.  We went to our church services which were filled with remembrances of our Savior and His resurrection from the grave.  But also His Atoning sacrifice.  It was humbling and the speakers and lessons all seemed to remind us of this.  I have often thought of the Atonement in gratitude that the Savior canIMG_8058 understand my pain.  And I continue to be grateful for that.  But I had a moment of sorrow when I thought of the pain our Savior felt on another’s behalf in times when I might have wounded others.  I’m not perfect, I make mistakes and have hurt others feelings and I feel sad about that.  But it made me sorrowful to think that in hurting that person, which was bad enough, I was also hurting my Savior.  It made me really re-consider the way we treat others weather they are family, friends, or just the stranger in the checkout line.  The new perspective was acute and I hope that it will be something that I will recall in times where my patience may ware thin.  I can’t help but be grateful for this season of remembrance and each year what it gives to me.   

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His Confident Care

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In recent years I have seen how life does not always go as planned.  Not only in my life but also in the lives of my closest friends and family.  Little disappointments seem to litter our joyful lives.  This weekend I opened The Ensign and found this article and it strengthened my resolve.  Elder Holland is quoted saying “I am convinced that none of us can appreciate how deeply it wounds the loving heart of the Savior of the world when he finds that his people do not feel confident in his care or secure in his hands.”  I had a tearful moment as I imagined how many times I have questioned his plan for me.  I am grateful for this articles kind reminder to see how the Atonement works in my own life in a very personal way.  

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Song-spiration

So along with a lot of other really great music I have been listening to repeatedly the song by Mumford and Sons titled I Will Wait.  The lyrics go as follows;

And I came home
Like a stone
And I fell heavy into your arms
These days of darkness
Which we’ve known
Will blow away with this new sun
And I’ll kneel down
Wait for now
And I’ll kneel down
Know my ground

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So break my step
And relent
You forgave and I won’t forget
Know what we’ve seen
And him with less
Now in some way
Shake the excess

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So I’ll be bold
As well as strong
And use my head alongside my heart
So tame my flesh
And fix my eyes
That tethered mind free from the lies
But I’ll kneel down
Wait for now
I’ll kneel down
Know my ground

Raise my hands
Paint my spirit gold
And bow my head
Keep my heart slow
Cause I will wait, I will wait for you

I have been pretty inspired by this song as to me it seems to have so many spiritual connotations.  Regarding forgiveness and selflessness, using the Spirit while keeping the mind working, fixing ours eyes on the important things of this life.  Bowing our head, which for me is a HUGE reference to prayer for me.  Now I don’t know if Mr. Mumford and his Sons intended the spiritual nature of this song but it really struck a chord with me on that kind of level.  The upbeat tempo of the song doesn’t hurt either!  I also love that the song have multiple verse and which can often be missing in songs as they just repeat the same lines over and over to the same old beat, which is great for working out.  But for the story and emotion telling aspect of a song these full fledged verse songs have, nothing can compare.  So take a listen and see how it makes you feel.

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Flash Mob Shout Out

My long time, and close Girlfriend Jessica organized and choreographed an awesome flash mob in Denver.  She did an incredible job and I am amazed at her zeal to spread the gospel with her many talents!  Take a bit and watch this fun, happy and inspiring little moment from her life!

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30 Thought of Thanks

Over the past year I have been working on keeping a gratitude journal.  These are just 30 from that very long list.  Yep there were duplicates and completely random thoughts, but I thought I would share a few with you.  Life is full of things to be grateful for even if they are material, silly or spiritual.
1 – My Mr. That’s all I can say.
2 – Education
3 – Star Wars; I just can’t get enough of Star Wars guys.
4 – The Ocean; Having never lived near one the rock scattered beaches here bring me such happiness.
5 – My Puppy; he loves to snuggle with me and I love it.
6 – Tilex and Magic Erasers; It’s one of the best cleaners ever, yes it’s strong but that’s the point.  And those little foam pads are made of something magic . . .literally!
7 – Friends; I think I have been blessed with the best. those who continue to love me through the good and bad times.
8 – Rain and there’s a lot of it here.
9 – Warm Quilts
10 – Relief Society I love being apart of this Sisterhood, learn more here.
11 – Moss Covered Trees
12 – Patience   not an easy virtue but one that makes things a little sweeter.
13 – Cooking I’m trying to increase this talent, or lack there of.
14 – Yellowstone
15 – Music
16 – Hugging, I know super cheesy, but sometimes this is all you really need.
17 – The Book of Mormon
18 – My Camera
19 – Green Lights, when your running late.
20 – Toothpaste – Anything to avoid the dentist.
21 – Gardening
22 – Rain boots
23 – Dog dreams; our dog barks (softly), wags his tail, runs.  This is a guarantee smile and laugh
24 – Homemade Bread on Sundays
25 – Baking Soda; it has so many uses.
26 – Good Heath; For the past year I was completely healthy, which was wonderful.  Only my recent illness ended my streak, but I intend to make it another good year.
27 – Cloud filled sky’s
28 – My Savior a relationship I have learned to nourish and work to emulate his ultimate example in my life.
29 – Family being away from them has really helped me to appreciate them and the closeness that we have, no matter the distance.  I’m very bless with an awesome family.
30 – The Gospel This knowledge of our Heavenly Fathers church a has truly blessed my life and helped me to bring me true happiness.  I can’t describe the meaning that it brings to my life.
Happy Thanksgiving

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Conduit of His Love

(photo by me, Bountiful Temple)

Recently we were invited to accompany the missionaries on a discussion with a couple taking the discussions.  I was a little nervous having never served a mission and without going into the details of this spiritual and significant experience it is something that will stay with me forever.  So share my testimony with those who didn’t believe as I did and have such confidence and love in my heart for the gospel of Jesus Christ was a majestic experience.  That is the only word I can use to describe being apart of bringing the gospel into the lives of those who don’t have it.  I pray that they will feel the promptings of the Holy Ghost and if anything realize the love that their Savior has for them and his ultimate desire for them to return to him.  Hopefully I can live in a way to act as a conduit of our Saviors love.

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